Most of us come into a marriage looking for what we can get. The desire for love, attention, security, pleasure, companionship, as well as distraction from unpleasant feelings or thoughts are some of the things that compel us into partnership. When we no longer hold our partner responsible for the fulfillment of our needs, everything changes. This is easier said than done, but it is perhaps the single most important thing we can do to insure that our relationship will be mutually satisfying. Taking care of ourselves isn't selfish; it's the most generous and responsible thing that we can do.