It is the mountains. Of course it's the mountains. It has always been. The place where I feel like home. I'm not scared of them. It's different with the ocean. The mountains have an ending, I can see it and I can go there. Touch it, feel it. Maybe that's what I love about the sea, you never know what's hiding in there, but it's not my home. Some sides of the mountains may be steep, but it doesn't scare me. And these mountains like the alps, you can look at them for hours and still never see all of them. You can walk over them. They have all different shapes and cast shadows on each other. But the ocean is just very, very flat. You can listen to the waves, you can be on them and in them and it's wonderful, but it's also boring. And horrifying.
I don't remember the first time I looked at a mountain. Because I grew up with them. But I remember the first them I really looked at them and saw them, it was when I moved from there from my home city. When I came home again the nature was just amazing.
Maybe that's why I like to move from place to place, because our eyes get used to the beauty around us. Maybe that's why it's so hard to love oneself, because we are so used to our own greatness that we just don't see it. But we don't have to run away and look for the beauty, we can just learn to see with new eyes. Wake up in the morning and really see what is out there. What do you see when you walk outside your door? Pretend you would see it for the very first time, what would you think of it?
And look yourself in the mirror, imagine it's a stranger you see. If you could listen to your own life story, what would you think? She is amazing, isn't she? That's what I'm trying to teach myself at the moment, because I have these dreams in the night haunting me. It takes som practice to change these deeper thoughts that go years back. Thoughts that may still think you are worthless and believe that everyone is gonna reject you. I still dream that people just walk away. Even though I'm the one who is walking away nowadays. It's strange isn't it? Just another proof of how it doesn't matter who or how many or how much people love us,
what it all comes down to is the love we feel for ourselves.